It’s heavy when you want something so bad right now in mind but still questioning when and how to implement it.
The big image is there that i can sense the freedom and the winning feeling of finally get there. This dream is like all answers of finding life balance, unfinished project, follow some curiosities, personality development, humanity service, and even peaceful mind.
I believe many people have been struggled of life’s ups and downs. Good spirit in starting a new project, hobby, or relationship, but find it hard to move on to the next level that sometimes need to have a long pause or stuck, then even quit before they show their best effort.
And that’s the key to unlock the dream journey, by passing the most challenging track to get there, that is being consistent of whatever plan you’d created.
That would be my self note for keep writing pages of this site.
Weeks ago, when i was driving home after dropping my son for school, i heard a track i used to listen when i’m 22ish, the lyric is “yea… a ha.. the sun is in the air…”, i knew it’s a song by Digitalism, a German electronic music duo, but i totally forgot the title of it.
Soon when i got home, i searched for Digitalism on iTunes and surprisedly found their latest single shown at the top of their songlists. This track is called Wolves, in which they collaborate with Youngblood Hawke, an American indie pop band based in Los Angeles, California. I played it and fell in love at the first 10 seconds.
Most of my favorite songs I share are tracks that contain lyrics that somehow connected to what i feel or even what i’ve experienced.
In this track they said
My whole life has changed
I won’t do those same things
That’s the statement i sometimes tell to myself recently. Also:
Our love will lead us home
We’ll never get lost
We’ll never get lost
it’s kinda good message to be noted.
I love all the melodies, the beat, the mood, the lyrics, and the energy of the whole song. The pattern is pretty simple and could touch the soul positively. It’s a well done collaboration, especially when it could bring up the greater side of Digitalism. The bottom line is it could heal some feelings of hopelessness and backwardness.
This morning my mind caught on my friend’s post on Instagram couple days ago about values vs. personal gain.
It inspired me to search its deep meaning to enrich my understanding of values’ significance for life. I was stucked by the article with title ‘Values vs.Personal Traits’. It’s useful for both my knowledge and belief to become the man of values. Some of the explanation is about getting some painful experiences until we live in our true values.
Thanks to Kosjenka Muk, the writer of the article to feed my mind with valuable reading.
I got a conversation through whatsapp with a friend who’s a mother of a girl who spends most of her time with her daughter. Although she also has a productive thing to do wih her friends, she still has time to ponder of the other opportunity to do on a short free time while kid’s sleeping. She said “i think i’m gonna back to work 9 to 5, but who’s gonna take care of my daughter”.
I feel the same way too, more or less. I had plenty things to-do-list for career wise or at least to put my head on some productivities other than just stay at home and do the motherly routines. But from all those experiences i had since the first child was born, i believe i’m on the right track now for a decision to spend time as much as i can to be with the kids at their “needy years”, especially for my breastfed baby as he better drink the breastmilk at its best temperature.
Then i shared to my friend (still whatsapp-ing) one of my experiences when i hit the rock bottom months before i got pregnant for the second baby. I told her that it’s such a priceless, no, it’s my most priceless trip experience to had a four days alone trip to Bali for having a deep conversation with myself by resting my mind and letting my body moved to somewhere my heart wanted to be at the moment. It’s a precious thing to share the whole story but at that spontaneous chance this afternoon i only told her some part of it when i drove my car to a hidden Hindu temple that was navigated by the moon and the star in the sky that night.
I still can feel the bliss for having courage to get there and talked to the people who live around the temple, saw their shocking faces in welcoming a stranger like me that one of them said that i’m the first tourist who found that place, and at the end they could laugh at me while i was answering their certain interrogative questions.
Finally, my friend asked me how i could go back to reality. I told her it’s only because i had to face the reality, by doing what feels right and fight for it!
That statement is kinda pillar for empowering my purpose as a mother with a working husband to put the children at the top priority among others by being with them on their golden years.
With my mind often evaluates what i’ve been done in life, i should do something i won’t regret. That’s the key to my kind of happiness life. I’m happy when once my mind visits the past though the experience was not so good, at least i’m sure i did ‘my best’ to overcome those sequences, by keeping my positive attitude.
It’s a week ago when my helper told me that she needed extra income so that she couldn’t stay at my house any longer and prefer to rent a house and work only on 6 am – 6 pm. The concept had driven me crazy bacause it means she had to pay the rent while doing the extra job that doesn’t make sense to give a significant extra income regarding the extra money she would spend for a ride and the living cost.
In the morning i called her on the phone and she gave me the choices whether accepting it or she’d gonna look for another helper to replace her position, i was freezing. Thank God i could compose myself to finally telling her that it’s ok if i looked for another helper (eventhough it hasn’t happened until today 😅).
Days later (until now) i’ve been super busy in taking care of a toddler boy and a baby boy by myself whilst keeping my room and the dishes clean. Sometimes, my thought comes to the moment my helper sent the bad news, and i feel blessed because i’m sure i only said something that’s necessary to say instead of being angry and torturing her with bad words. It’s like i have passed for a lesson.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
I like Steve Jobs.
I love his way of thinking which resulting every inch of his Apple’s essence.
This morning when i’m on my ‘me time’ session, i browsed for a quote about thinking. I read carefully every word of this quote until i scrolled down and found that it’s one of his words of wisdom.
Couple of days ago i made my first fruit salad for sale due to the order from my sister’s costumer. My sister has moved to US with her whole family last month thus i got commanded to continue her dessert business. And i said “why not?”
She gave me the recipe and i followed her instruction appropriately but i failed my first cream mixture so i had to remake it and yes, “i made it! (on the second try)”
The order was only 6 small cups so i needed to open for pre order which thankfully successful with almost full order for a set of ingridients. I used one day and a half in total for making and packaging the fruit salad.
After all the delivery had done, there’s only one big cup and 3 samples size left in the fridge. Oh yeah i forgot to mention that the other 6 samples had already sold also when i brought it for sampling at son’s school which only 2 samples were really used for sampling 😅 (they insisted to buy after tasted it).
The thing is, the first customer who ordered it wanted more 2 small cups to bring on two days later after i gave her first order. I had a plan to put out some salad from the big cup and put it into 2 small cups because the small cup size is twice the sample size so it wouldn’t be enough if i didn’t take some from the big cup.
The day after the busy day, i wanted to prepare for the last order (the 2 small cups). I jumped to the fridge, and before i opened it my brother told me that he already ate all the big cup salad 😑.
I couldn’t believe it happened but i chose to remain calm and forgive him quickly. Suddenly, i got a sort of self belief that it could be solved effortlessly.
It’s not that effortlessly but it’s pretty easy to do. I compiled the salad from the 3 cups of sample size into 2 small cups and of course it’s not enough, so i had that idea to add some of the fruit ingridient i still had and gave it more cheese on top. Voile! The cups were full without lessen the value of it.
I think it’s the price for trusting that God always give me solution for His every tested situation 😊